is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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