i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have demons in me.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
