I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got inside last night via doggy door
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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