Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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