That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
