Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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