I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
