I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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