me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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