South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
