He kissed a someone with a penis
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
