I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
