This girl is more easily done than said...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
nutella sex= disaster
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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