The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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