I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my shit smells like andre
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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