I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
