If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
