Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
