Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
