1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
