What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
