our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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