You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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