yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
