sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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