my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize