Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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