Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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