Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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