I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
