My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
