you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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