Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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