Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
