My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
