Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize