just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
