A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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