That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
