Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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