good thing vaginas are great cup holders
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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