The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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