when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
