She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
