drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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