Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
