are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I touched a dick in church today
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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