did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
