if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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