I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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