Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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