so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
