Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
