The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
