we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's just like the Real World with babies
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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