so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
