He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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