He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
