So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
