Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
