I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize