I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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