I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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