you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
