Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
