White coat. Heels.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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