I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
