We're facebook friends in real life
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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