In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
