ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
