honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
