Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
