if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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