I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
