...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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