just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
