okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
