Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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