How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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