Me. At least after what I've been through.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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