I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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