I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
