What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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