Whod you bang
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize