I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
