So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I touched a dick in church today
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
