oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
