I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
